Okay. So overall, my narrative is pretty weak, but here's the part that needs the most help.
I'm trying to transition from one part of the piece to another and it's not going very well.
"Finding the answers to my questions was a long and strenuous process, one that I'm still going through rigfht now. The first memory I have of really getting answers was when I was four. I was half asleep, but I still remember it vividly..."
HELP!
Into The Wild Blog Exercise #1
17 years ago
1 comment:
First off; Hey, this isn't weak. We can make it better though, and that's the whole point of proofreading. :D
If you just differentiate the sentence structure a tiny bit, maybe you'll feel better about your writing and realize that you truly do have strong ideas. Instead of...
"Finding the answers to my questions was a long and strenuous process, one that I'm still going through rigfht now.
Turn it into
"Finding the answers to my questions was a long, strenuous process. A process I continue every day."
Go from "The first memory I have of really getting answers was when I was four."
and turn it into...
"The first memory I have of getting true answers, was when I was four."
The sleeping bit is very important. Transition-wise, this paragraph does the job of transitioning just fine.
I think you've got yourself some very fine ideas. :]
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